Yes, I made that "life lately according to my iPhone" collage on my actual iPhone. I'm as teenage girl as it gets here. Forgive my laziness and blame it on my broken laptop.

Unlike 80% of my posts, I've thought about this one for the last few days. Probably because a lot has happened this weekend and I wanted to make sure I documented it. But it's also scary to write down because it has been a bit of an emotional turn around that putting it into words makes it more real. 

Back in May I submitted mission papers for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Since then I've had to go through a lot of health screenings and waiting around. I put off school, and I didn't look for a fall job. But, 4 months later, after resolving  that I was healthy and good to go they still decided to postpone resubmitting my papers until November. It was a battle for me to be spending a semester that I could be in school, not, and not being aware if I should look for a more solid job. Plus, everyone I know is dead (on missions/at school/getting all married and such) so there was a lot of angst inside of me, which caused the life enjoying to slow. After an extreme emotionally taxing weekend I finally came to understand that my Heavenly Father is behind me and His timing is more important than my planning and timing.  I can't say that this is 100% easy for me to accept and embrace, but I'm willing to embrace it and there is peace in the place of angst. I'm fully ready to see what happens next and peel the onion behind why His timing is the way it is. 

On Friday my emotions were at their peak of frustration, exhaustion and bitterness. But last night they changed gradually, yet all of the sudden to comfort and solidity. I completely have to thank my Heavenly Father for that and I know that I couldn't have done it without him. I'm so grateful for this trial that has been so much a piece of me because I know that in the future it will teach me something, as it has already taught me patience. 

So, as I begin this journey of realizing why I'm still here, I'm setting some goals to accomplish whilst in that process. I'd love to learn again how to really love myself. To enjoy and appreciate my talents, while loving my weaknesses as well. I'm going to stop feeling guilty every time I want something unhealthy, but treat my body with care. I'd love to keep up with this writing thing here, and get over my fear of photographing everything because it's something I adore. I'm going to let myself feel all of the things at my surface and compliment often. I want to fulfill all 4 of my callings with the heart and soul that I should. I will stop negative self talk. I'm working on being assertive rather than passive aggressive.  I list all of this here because: accountability. And self improvement is always easier with someone behind you, so join me if you will. 

I feel so much love in my heart for the life that I lead and the individuality of everyone else's lives, even those closely intertwined in my own. Isn't it interesting that we can all exist in the same day, same state, same city, same house, but lead completely different thoughts, emotions and actions. Beautiful. 

Until tomorrow,
xoxo mo. 


Emily said...

Ya I'm waiting for my call... No school either. Let's hang

Emily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
That One Redhead said...

hey, morgan is back.

praying everything turns out for you, you deserve it.

keep smiling.