A LITTLE BIT VAUGE + DRAMATIC + YOUNG

My very absolute favorite thing to find out about people is the tiny things, the quick fixes, the beautiful cliches that heal a hard day, sad or hurt feelings, and a broken heart.

For my mom, she needs a counter productive coffee and nap. If you do the dishes while she's asleep, you'll be her queen. 

My dad just needs to be alone. Drive. 

Owen needs to fight, and then have someone pray in the same room he is. 

I remember a friend who shopped. Retail therapy was real for that cutie. 

A diet coke with lime, reisens, and a vent session was J's fix. One of my favorites to fix. 

Paul needs cuddles.

Smash likes a treat, and to binge watch movies. 

As you grow older and change and evolve your little fixes do to. 

I have quite a few and they vary from day to day, mood to different mood, with other to alone. There's something about someone remembering those little things for you and being a healer, something about remembering those for someone else-knowing when to step in- and there's something about healing for yourself. 

It's only Wednesday, and this week has been a long one. And tonight my heart ached with nostalgia, love, and a realization how far away my closest people are. People grow, change, and evolve. This is usually something I'm pretty good at realizing and being able to detach when the time is right. But, I didn't think this one would ever grow away from my heart. Distance, sure, my heart, no. Watching it happen before my eyes, and feeling it in my bones is a little chilly, but there's old sweatshirts for that. 

So, tonight with a soft heart, I played the music in the car exceptionally loud, sang out at the top of my lungs, dances, and cried just a little because all of that is healing to me. I finished with a half and half frosty because nostalgia is real and then I wrote because that heals me. I talked to the east, it told me it loved me, and that made my heart a little bit stronger. 

Xo, mo. 

A POORLY INFORMATIVE LIST

*this whole no computer thing is causing my pictures/layout to suffer. Forgive me. 

I've spend the past seven days lying down, interneting, (yep. Just made up a verb.) and a lot of thinking.  Surgery happened, I'm not just 100% lazy. Which is causing me to not form a proper post, but a list:

+YouTube is an addiction. That I have over fed 3 times this week. 4 straight hours of ShayTard videos later...I've not subscribed to their podcast channel, which leads me to the next bullet.

+Podcasts, I thought, were for old people. Which might still be the case, but I actually love them and frequent the podcast app on my iPhone. 

+Surgery plus cold plus Mother Nature all at once is hell. 

+Let's pull out some positives: finished the last 4 seasons of Friends, found out I have people that love me more than I thought or even deserve, got to spend hours with my mother also slept next to her and she's wonderful, Ben and Jerry's is stocked in my freezer. 

+Gel ice packs are my favorite times a million. 

+Everyone can either stop getting married, or those three other couples can just get engaged so I can start some wedding planning. 

+God blessed me even when undeserving. 

+I actually miss work, who knew

+Crushes on boys that are really busy are hard. 

+Marley, you can just live closer to me now. 

+Liza, you're absolutely, impossibly wonderful 

+Emily Cooper, oh my goodness I'm speechless. You're perfect. 

+my thoughts have now turned to the fact that I have 60 mins of ShayTards to update myself on. 

Kisses,

Mo

LITTLE + TINY

Yes, I made that "life lately according to my iPhone" collage on my actual iPhone. I'm as teenage girl as it gets here. Forgive my laziness and blame it on my broken laptop.

Unlike 80% of my posts, I've thought about this one for the last few days. Probably because a lot has happened this weekend and I wanted to make sure I documented it. But it's also scary to write down because it has been a bit of an emotional turn around that putting it into words makes it more real. 

Back in May I submitted mission papers for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Since then I've had to go through a lot of health screenings and waiting around. I put off school, and I didn't look for a fall job. But, 4 months later, after resolving  that I was healthy and good to go they still decided to postpone resubmitting my papers until November. It was a battle for me to be spending a semester that I could be in school, not, and not being aware if I should look for a more solid job. Plus, everyone I know is dead (on missions/at school/getting all married and such) so there was a lot of angst inside of me, which caused the life enjoying to slow. After an extreme emotionally taxing weekend I finally came to understand that my Heavenly Father is behind me and His timing is more important than my planning and timing.  I can't say that this is 100% easy for me to accept and embrace, but I'm willing to embrace it and there is peace in the place of angst. I'm fully ready to see what happens next and peel the onion behind why His timing is the way it is. 

On Friday my emotions were at their peak of frustration, exhaustion and bitterness. But last night they changed gradually, yet all of the sudden to comfort and solidity. I completely have to thank my Heavenly Father for that and I know that I couldn't have done it without him. I'm so grateful for this trial that has been so much a piece of me because I know that in the future it will teach me something, as it has already taught me patience. 

So, as I begin this journey of realizing why I'm still here, I'm setting some goals to accomplish whilst in that process. I'd love to learn again how to really love myself. To enjoy and appreciate my talents, while loving my weaknesses as well. I'm going to stop feeling guilty every time I want something unhealthy, but treat my body with care. I'd love to keep up with this writing thing here, and get over my fear of photographing everything because it's something I adore. I'm going to let myself feel all of the things at my surface and compliment often. I want to fulfill all 4 of my callings with the heart and soul that I should. I will stop negative self talk. I'm working on being assertive rather than passive aggressive.  I list all of this here because: accountability. And self improvement is always easier with someone behind you, so join me if you will. 

I feel so much love in my heart for the life that I lead and the individuality of everyone else's lives, even those closely intertwined in my own. Isn't it interesting that we can all exist in the same day, same state, same city, same house, but lead completely different thoughts, emotions and actions. Beautiful. 

Until tomorrow,

xoxo mo.