I don't even have a relevant picture of the last two weeks which makes me sad because it's been so beautiful, but I guess it's not a beautiful I'd ever be able to capture.

It's been a long time since I've felt the kind of happiness I've been feeling. Not that I haven't been happy previously, but it's a special kind of happiness where I've been happy over other emotions I "should" be feeling. Like stress, or jealousy, or frustration, or impatience. Events within the last few week normally would make me feel those things, but this time those emotions have taken a back seat. I wish I could take the credit of being so strong and incredible to be pushing those feelings that way, but I can say they are nothing but blessings from heaven.

I definitely fall into a cycle of pride every once in a while, and this last cycle has been a battle. Slowly, but surely I'm getting as far away from it as I can and learning again how to put people first, and be humble, but also know it's okay to share advice and opinion because I do know what I'm talking about some of the time. On occasion I have a hard time balancing humility and pride and confidence and low self esteem, and in this process of learning the differences and balances between them I've been reminded that confidence is good, and humility isn't feeling bad about yourself. I have the most confidence and humility when I'm following the promptings of the spirit and when my relationship with my God is clear and close. I've had both ends of the spectrum this week, but it's looking up up up and up today.

I need to give a quick shout out to my Liza Mae because she's been at my hip through these weeks that I didn't document and that I needed to unplug and teach myself a few things. She's taught me more than she'll ever realize. I know how to love and listen and laugh because of you, Eliza. I understand how to be a friend and work out disagreements or differences of opinion. You've reminded me that it's okay to be immature and young and silly. (This is starting to sound like we're dating. I guess we kind of are seeing as I follow you and your potential hunk around all the time.) Thanks for the long nights, your soft heart, and having a cute face. I love you, Lou.

I'm a deep person. I live on a "level 3" we like to say. I feel things deeper than the surface and I analyze the meaning and reason for everything. I look for all the lessons in every day and experience. So forgive me for posts that seem heavy or dramatic. I just only know this way.


1 comment:

Julia Paige said...

beautifully written! i know exactly what you mean when you say it's hard to find that balance. and like you, i also analyze EVERYTHING. it's a curse and a blessing ha! anyways, i love your blog and hope you have a great week :)