FOREVER RAMBLING

Forgive the bathroom mirror selfies. I'm not even that sorry, though.

After such a wonderful weekend full of spirit, friends, memories and laughter I hit it kind of hard Monday/Tuesday. Now, I know I shouldn't be focusing on the negative, and that's not what I'm trying to do, but I'm just feeling unsettled and writing helps me feel better. 

I have a lot ahead of me, and I'm not even really sure how to comprehend it all. I've been so blessed with opportunities (like almost free schooling, a decent job, volunteering at Primary Children's, a good YSA ward) but balancing them isn't the easiest thing to do. I'm not even talking about the time for all of them, but my balance of emotional investment in all of them. 

My job is something that has always been an escape for me. A happy place, some might call it. And not to say it isn't anymore, but it's a new position and new responsibilities--big ones. I'm in charge of an entire swim program that holds over 200 kids. I know that I'm fit for it, and that my Heavenly Father needs me to learn to lead and a million other things by this, but I'm just a little scared.  

School, on the other hand hasn't always been an escape, but it's always been something that I've been good at and been motivated to do and do well, but this semester isn't going in that direction. I'm doing well, but I'm just really tired of my classes. I just don't have that push to go and to put heart into it. Philosophy makes me want to poke my eyes out is really what this is all about I think. Plus, I have to perform a solo for my final in dance which is like uber scary (no matter how much I've always wanted to be a dancer.)

Volunteering is amazing, and there is something so special there, but I've been sick, and have a conflict this week, and missing this much is making me a tiny bit sad. I love it so much. 

A good YSA (LDS young single adult) ward is hard to come by, and mine is pretty great. I'm just learning how to really reach out and be a good Visiting Teacher, member, friend and make more conversation with this charming boy that I once said a few words too and has beautiful skin/arm muscles/teeth. 

And on top of this I have to balance the emotional investment I put into my family and friendships. If you know me, you know that I put emotion to everything, and I'm trying extremely hard (and succeeding I feel like) at being very positive, happy, and confident in myself and my relationships and all the things I do. I'm trying to put 100% into everything, but that's a lot of percent and I'm just a little bit tired. 

I want anyone reading this to know that I'm happy, and really blessed and by no means trying to be negative, but to be honest, and open. When I write things out I really realize how truly blessed I am, and how silly I am for overthinking and over emotionalizing things. If you've gotten this far, thank you a million. I love you forever.

Also, is anyone else 300% excited for General Conference this weekend? 

I've never felt this excited before, and I'm so proud that I am. It means I'm that much closer to my Heavenly Father and my testimony is that much stronger. I absolutely love going into it with a list of questions because I always find my answers. I know that my week is going to be a little bit of a long one ahead, but I have something so great to look forward to at the end of the week. 

xoxo,

mo.