completely unrelated picture from Easter-clearly Owe is pleased about it.

This is completely just my feelings because 1.) I feel a lot 2.) documenting how I feel will help solidify the feelings as real, and 3.) I can look back and remember how I felt as to feel it (or not) feel it again.

I'm feeling this weird sort of anxiousness that causes me to not want to do any of the things that I need to accomplish (studying, a 3 page philosophy paper, laundry), and some of the things that I even want (meal planning, photo shoot, get ready, finish a package) to accomplish. I'm having a rough time motivating myself to do any of it because I feel like I have so much of it. I did a really good job last week of checking things off of my to do list and feeling completely accomplished, but even my lists upon lists aren't motivating me. HELP. 

But here's my real issue: This is usually when I pray because I know I can't do it alone, and I know that my (our) Heavenly Father can help me in ways that I don't think will help, but totally do. But, I feel like asking for his help is selfish of me because I didn't do all I could to prepare for this paper, or this test (which is ultimately what I'm feeling anxious about) and to ask him to help me would be of no good because he meets us where we leave off, but only if we did our part, and I didn't really do my part so I'm stuck with this consequence of being anxious, right?  

As I type this out, all I'm thinking is this: He is not only a God of justice, but a God of mercy. And even though he may not make it so my paper gets an A, he can teach me something. He will show me, that if I try today He will motivate me to push forward in other parts of my life. That no matter if I make mistakes a million times, He will be there to pick me up and brush the dirt of my back. He'll embrace me in his loving arms and say, "We'll do better next time." I need to be specific in my prayers and ask him to help me accomplish the task. Even if it to just finish the 3 page paper that would seem minimal to most, but overwhelmingly hard to me because I don't understand the material. Or just understand what I need to be writing about. 

So here's what I'm really getting at here. All of that up there was selfish, it was to help me document, and process my thoughts. But here's my feels to you: No matter who you are, where you are, what religion you are, how pretty you are, the amount of mistakes you've made, or how righteous you may be, HE loves you, and HE listens to you. He is both mercy and justice, HE is all loving and all knowing. He will give you what you need, but he will also let you feel real things (not always fun), and He will have you learn.

I don't know why this turned into a testimony post, but it did. Selfish reasons mostly. And here's a question for the 3 of you out there: How do you motivate yourself when you have a lot to accomplish? I'd love your thoughts.

thanks for reading today.



Lyndsey Evenstar said...

Hey Morgan!
I can really relate with you on this. I also feel a lot too, (partly due to being an INFJ), so you're thoughts on the subject are something I can really understand and relate too. I was struggling with the same idea recently, the inability to ask my Father in Heaven for anything because I felt It would be asking to much of him. After a while, I came to the conclusion, that it wasn't out of selfishness that I refrained from asking for help- but out of fear. I was afraid of my own imperfection as a person, and subconsciously I believed that my flaws were things I needed to solve before I could ask for anything. Which is silly right? Because you can't be perfect, unless you rely on Heavenly Father to do so. Yet, I felt I had to do this on my own before he would accept me.
It took a long time to work myself out of this mindset I had fallen into, and to really reach out again for help. I knew I needed to try my best, but I also knew that It would never be my best without his help.
Though I'm still working on this, I have really seen a difference in the expectations I've set for myself. I'm able to attain my goals easier, and feel less pressure to be a perfect human being all the time.
I really hope you will be able to come to an answer too, sometimes it's the simplest ones that make the most impact.

I love your blog by the way, I'm so thrilled to have run across it! Your layout and design are beautiful. Not to be to random or anything, but I feel like we could be good friends! If you ever have time, check out my blog: http://fantasyworldlr.blogspot.com/
Or if you have google+, feel free to message me sometime! I'd love to get to know you better.
-From a fellow LDS writer,

Rian said...

hi, let's be friends. I love this blog.

Emily Cooper said...

like, lists. mainly haha. also just getting my shiz in gear, because if i don't get it done than no one else will do it. also like life doesn't ever slow down i feel. like there are just things after things, so if you don't get some done, then it will just pile up.
also like prioritizing. aka my house is a disaster during finals week.
also like doing fun things as a reward, and rewarding yourself with food. like a dog. haha. i always like bake a delicious breakfast to start off a long day, or like get a treat or something like that.
anyways, idk if that helps but there you go.
you'll be fine! it takes like a while to get in a routine i feel like, but you've got this girl.

Anonymous said...

Okay, here is what I do first:
1) I run. Exercise clears my head, makes me happy and the ability to have a shower afterwards is like hitting the 'reset' button on the day, no matter what the time is,
2) I make lists of what I need to be done and when they're due so I know my priorities
3) I get my ass into gear.

No one and nothing can help you unless you help yourself first...or that is my theory at least. Of course, there are those days where things just seem impossible but they pass...which is good.

Hope you accomplish everything you need to! :)