ALL THE FEELS

completely unrelated picture from Easter-clearly Owe is pleased about it.

This is completely just my feelings because 1.) I feel a lot 2.) documenting how I feel will help solidify the feelings as real, and 3.) I can look back and remember how I felt as to feel it (or not) feel it again.

I'm feeling this weird sort of anxiousness that causes me to not want to do any of the things that I need to accomplish (studying, a 3 page philosophy paper, laundry), and some of the things that I even want (meal planning, photo shoot, get ready, finish a package) to accomplish. I'm having a rough time motivating myself to do any of it because I feel like I have so much of it. I did a really good job last week of checking things off of my to do list and feeling completely accomplished, but even my lists upon lists aren't motivating me. HELP. 

But here's my real issue: This is usually when I pray because I know I can't do it alone, and I know that my (our) Heavenly Father can help me in ways that I don't think will help, but totally do. But, I feel like asking for his help is selfish of me because I didn't do all I could to prepare for this paper, or this test (which is ultimately what I'm feeling anxious about) and to ask him to help me would be of no good because he meets us where we leave off, but only if we did our part, and I didn't really do my part so I'm stuck with this consequence of being anxious, right?  

As I type this out, all I'm thinking is this: He is not only a God of justice, but a God of mercy. And even though he may not make it so my paper gets an A, he can teach me something. He will show me, that if I try today He will motivate me to push forward in other parts of my life. That no matter if I make mistakes a million times, He will be there to pick me up and brush the dirt of my back. He'll embrace me in his loving arms and say, "We'll do better next time." I need to be specific in my prayers and ask him to help me accomplish the task. Even if it to just finish the 3 page paper that would seem minimal to most, but overwhelmingly hard to me because I don't understand the material. Or just understand what I need to be writing about. 

So here's what I'm really getting at here. All of that up there was selfish, it was to help me document, and process my thoughts. But here's my feels to you: No matter who you are, where you are, what religion you are, how pretty you are, the amount of mistakes you've made, or how righteous you may be, HE loves you, and HE listens to you. He is both mercy and justice, HE is all loving and all knowing. He will give you what you need, but he will also let you feel real things (not always fun), and He will have you learn.

I don't know why this turned into a testimony post, but it did. Selfish reasons mostly. And here's a question for the 3 of you out there: How do you motivate yourself when you have a lot to accomplish? I'd love your thoughts.

thanks for reading today.

xoxo,

mo.